As high-achieving women, is there anything we hate more than being dismissed as “emotional”? Over it. But when did we buy into the lie that being emotionally attuned is a weakness?
Behavioral finance tells us that everyone has their own money story. It impacts the financial decisions we make, and not always in a beneficial way. But the solution isn’t to turn yourself into a robot. Emotional awareness is a superpower that you can harness to grow a better version of yourself and be a catalyst for good.
Here’s how to keep your emotions out of the driver’s seat and turn them into helpful co-pilots as you navigate financial decisions.
What If I Don’t Have Enough Money?
CNBC finally reported what we already know: “Women’s No. 1 source of stress is money.” Of course it is. You may come from a background of financial insecurity, or maybe the underlying assumption was that you didn’t need to be taught financial literacy, because a man would take care of the details for you. Or maybe you’re just always worried about running out of money because you’ve spent your career making less than the men in your field, and you feel like you can’t work hard enough to make up the difference.
Fear of financial instability can often lead to overly cautious investment decisions. We call this risk-aversion, and it can stunt the growth potential of your investments–growth opportunities that, if missed, can leave your portfolio unable to keep pace with inflation. So, what can you do with your financial fears? Turn hyper-vigilance into confident risk assessment. Facts can help combat fears, so arm yourself with the data you need to make informed decisions. Talk with your financial advisor, ask to see how the hypothetical numbers actually stack up, and discuss how you can build contingency plans. They’re there to help you get out of “What if…?” and get to “Here’s how I’ll handle that, if it happens.”
I’m Bad At Managing My Finances
Hello, self-doubt. Nice to see you brought shame along with you. These two take a sizeable bite out of women’s financial confidence, with 55% of women, compared to only 27% of men, believing they know less than the average investor (a perception that, notably, isn’t always based on reality).
“We think we should naturally know how to save or pay off debt,” says Tori Dunlap. “We see it as a moral failing, especially as women.” Women often cope with the overwhelm of emotions and financial decision-making by avoiding it altogether. Instead, try what Tori recommends: harness your feelings and turn them into self-awareness. Women tend to be good at understanding emotions, so lean into that skill and do some sleuthing. What’s triggering your response to your finances? Worried about what your bank statements will reveal? Take the fear out of the unknown and look it square in the eye, so you know what you’re actually dealing with. Imagination is often scarier than reality. Another useful tip from Tori: there’s no shame in rewarding/bribing yourself. Try making it fun by getting takeout from your favorite restaurant and having a monthly “financial date” with yourself. You’re capable of feeling your emotions, working through them, and conquering the task at hand.
If I Don’t Help, No One Will
As women, we are often connection-driven empathizers. 61% of caregivers are women. We’re deeply involved in our communities, and we tend to be good at seeing the need, jumping in, and fixing it. But there’s such a thing as toxic empathy–the kind of care for others that doesn’t leave resources for yourself.
Cassandra Pickett, podcaster and host of “Girl…You Good?”, puts it this way: “Sometimes high-achieving women get so good at showing up for others that they lose track of where their lane ends and someone else’s begins.” You can show up for a friend navigating a divorce without funding her spa retreat. You can show your team how much you appreciate them without blowing your holiday budget. You can be empathetic without taking responsibility for what someone else is going through. Take care of yourself first, whether that’s financially, emotionally, or with your time, and then be generous with the rest.
Instead of bankrolling a solution, Cassandra recommends re-focusing the urge to help on empowering growth; jumping in to fix everything robs others of the chance to rise to the occasion, while it burns out the fixer. Before you use your finances to help a loved one, stop and ask yourself: “Am I giving because I can do so comfortably, and because it brings me joy, or am I giving because I feel it’s my responsibility?”
In Check and On Track
Fueling your financial decisions with your emotions usually gets a bad rap, but it’s helpful to add a caveat: emotions aren’t undermining your financial strategy. It’s when we let them call the shots that we tend to make financial choices that don’t serve our long-term goals. Keeping them in check and staying focused isn’t about crushing them–it’s about taking the plunge to understand yourself better, and choosing courageous growth.
Like most journeys, it can be hard to go it alone. Searching for financial guidance from someone who gets you? Schedule a call here to talk with an advisor who listens.